You don’t have to drink your emotions black to prove they’re valid.
Three people stand in line at a cafe.
One orders black coffee, plain and simple.
Another adds a dash of milk.
The third needs both milk and sugar to stomach the bitterness.
No one bats an eye. No one accuses anyone of being “too soft” or “too dramatic.”No judgement is there. Each person just knows what they need to make their coffee bearable.
But when it comes to emotions especially depression we forget this simple truth. We start comparing our pain to others’, and somewhere along the way, we convince ourselves that we don’t have the right to feel low.
“I shouldn’t feel like this—someone else has it worse.”
“I have a job, a roof over my head, people who care—why do I still feel empty?”
“I’m being ungrateful. I should be stronger.”
This inner dialogue is more common than most of us admit. It’s the guilt that sneaks in after the sadness, the shame that says your suffering isn’t valid because someone else is suffering more.
The Myth of Measured Misery
Somewhere along the way, we started treating pain like a competition. As if there’s a global leaderboard for suffering and only the top scorers earn the right to cry, rest, or seek help.
But here’s the reality: pain doesn’t need to be ranked to be real.
Someone else’s heartbreak doesn’t shrink yours. Someone’s trauma doesn’t erase your quiet struggles. Just because another person is drinking life’s bitterness straight doesn’t mean you’re weak for needing sweetness to get through the day.
Would you ever tell someone with a sprained ankle, “You don’t get to rest—someone else just broke their leg”?
No?
Then why do we do it with emotional pain?
Depression Doesn’t Always Have a “Reason”
One of the most confusing things about depression is that it doesn’t always make sense.
You can be surrounded by love and still feel alone.
You can be successful and still feel hollow.
You can smile in the mirror and still feel like you’re disappearing inside.
Depression is not always a reaction to external events. Sometimes it’s a slow fog, a dull ache, a biological imbalance, or an emotional bruise that never fully healed. And trying to talk yourself out of it because “others have it worse” only makes it worse.
It’s like having a fever and saying, “Well, at least it’s not cancer.”
The fever still needs care.
The Guilt Loop: Why It’s So Dangerous
When guilt follows depression, it creates a vicious cycle.
You feel low – then feel guilty for feeling low – which makes you feel even worse.
And guilt often stops people from asking for help.
They downplay their pain.
They keep quiet.
They wear a mask.
But healing doesn’t come from minimizing your emotions. It comes from honoring them—without apology, without comparison.
Breaking the Comparison Trap
So what can we do?
- Catch the thought: The next time you hear yourself say, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” pause. Ask: Would I say that to a friend?
- Validate your feelings: Even if you don’t understand why you’re feeling this way, it doesn’t make it any less real.
- Limit comparison: Pain is not a competition. It’s not less real just because someone else’s seems louder.
- Seek help anyway: Therapy, support, and rest aren’t things you have to “earn.” You deserve them just by being human.
Your Cup, Your Mix
We all have different thresholds. Different histories. Different brains and bodies and needs.
Some of us need milk.
Some of us need sugar.
Some days we take it black.
And some days, we just can’t take it at all—and that’s okay too.
The point isn’t how strong the coffee is.
The point is: you’re still allowed to drink it your way.
And in life, you’re still allowed to feel, struggle, and heal—no matter who else is hurting too.
Leave a Reply